Pernel's Near Death Experiences
Today I met a remarkable young man who talked to me about the near death experiences I had. He said to me, write about them. The funny thing is, I had never thought about it before so David, Thank you and I am writing about these because you asked.
The day was Feb. 08, 1974. I had been in labor for my daughter for 16 hours. The labor was difficult and the Dr. approached me and told me it may come down to a choice between the child or myself. I signed papers that if the choice had to be made it would be the child who lived. This decision cost me dearly in my marriage as my husband did not understand it and called me totally selfish and asked me about the other two kids, who would care for them if I died? I told him I had lived but the child had not and she deserved to. He was very, very angry over this.
The labor dragged on and on and finally they came in and broke my water. I was rushed into delivery and within minutes my heart had stopped. I remember seeing a beautiful being of light enter the room. She told me I had to return as it was not my time yet. I was sucked back into my body as they restarted my breathing. My daughter began crying the moment I opened my eyes. Crystal was a large baby weighing 9 ¾ pounds. I was released to go home on Feb. 11.
The day I got home my entire house was trashed. My ex husband had taken the time I was in the hospital to have a party with all of his friends and beer bottles littered the entire house. I was very angry as he knew I hated drinking but he did it anyways. I spent the day cleaning up the house and taking care of the kids, I had two sons at home as well. Then the family began to come in and see the baby and the hours stretched on. Finally exhausted and aching I fell into bed.
The baby cried most of the night and I had to get up and take care of her. I finally fell asleep around 4 in the morning. When she started to cry again at 6, I got went to get out of bed and realized the bed was soaked. I stood up and blood hit the floor. I ran to the bathroom and filled the toilet full of blood. I called the hospital and they told me this was normal and to put my feet up. I did what they told me but the bleeding continued.
I stood up again and the blood poured everywhere. I called the hospital back and told them I was making a heck of a mess and they finally told me to come it. As strange as this sounds I was 22 years old and had no idea what hemorrhaging was.
We lived just outside of Peck Michigan and McKenzie Memorial Hospital was 30 miles away in Sandusky. We were in the middle of a Michigan ice storm and the roads were treacherous. We had to get the kids ready, head over to my sister’s place 15 miles away and drop them off with her. Then we headed to the hospital. I had been pouring blood for over two hours.
Once the kids were safely with my sister, we began the slow drive to the hospital. As we traveled over the ice slicked roads I knew I was not going to make it. A peace settled over me and I felt myself slipping. Then there was a voice which told me to stay awake. It said hold your legs together tightly and stay awake and you will live. I did not want to stay awake, I wanted to sleep. I started to drift off again and the voice got sterner and told me to stay awake. I argued with it and was so annoyed that I could not sleep that when I finally stopped fighting with it and looked up I discovered we had pulled into the hospital parking lot and was skidding to a halt at the emergency room doors. My ex ran and got the Nurses.
I don’t remember getting out of the car or how I got into the hospital. I remember being lifted up and my clothes being stripped off me. I remember a Dr. coming in to check on the bleeding and when he tried he was soaked in blood. The next thing I knew, I was watching them from out of myself. I looked bad, white as a sheet and they kept screaming they were loosing me and that my pressure was dropping. I thought this was odd as I felt great.
I heard someone call me and turned around to see a beautiful light. I went towards the light as if at super sonic speed. When I got very close to the light, a being stopped me. It told me I could not go into it. I begged them to let me go and they said no, it is not your time. I walked close to the light and the being grabbed me around the waist. I put both of my hands into the light and it blew my mind.
There are no words to describe it. Saying it is beautiful seems so bland. There is nothing on earth as beautiful, nothing that could describe it. We do not have enough words in our language to even begin to give a description of it. It is alive, it is pure wonder and awe and something so incredible that I have never been able to get it out of my mind. It is brighter than the sun but it never hurt my eyes to look directly into it.
The light is love, the purest form of love I have ever felt. It was peace of a kind I have never known. I felt it go through me, envelope me and devour me totally in a million ways.
The being gently said to me "return to your family" and I awoke with an IV being inserted into my veins. I felt life begin to run back through me. A few minutes later though I felt it start to drain back out. I managed to get a nurses attention and told her the IV had broken through. She was astonished that I was alert enough to know it had happened. Things began to blur then. I was moved into a room to get stabilized for surgery. The next thing I knew I was in another room, the recovery room. The being I had seen earlier was standing there and smiling and then ascended through the ceiling.
My sister Margaret came in to see me. She was an aide at McKenzie Memorial Hospital in Sandusky Michigan where all this happened. She told me I had been in bad shape when they brought me in and they did not know if I would make it. I know I was taken in on Feb. 12, but I have no idea of when I finally woke up after surgery. I asked the Dr. if I could go home and he said, “No! You get to rambunctious when you go home.” The nurses came in and they told me that they knew they had lost me for a few minutes. They said I had bled almost empty and it was a miracle I had made it. They told me if I had been just 15 minutes later I would never have survived. My ex husband came to the hospital to see me and he told me it looked as if someone had been murdered in the house from all the blood.
At this time I didn’t care about what the house looked like, I didn’t care about anything but the fact that I had a beautiful little girl at home and I wanted desperately to go there and hold her. I did not know then how much this encounter with the light had changed me. When I got out of the hospital about a week later I was delighted to get home and see my children. I slowly began to get back my strength but I could not get the light out of my mind.
As time went by I began to realize that nothing was the same. The most beautiful things held no beauty for me. I was just living, going through the motions but I no longer seen things the way other people did.
Then on Feb. 28, 1978 I had gone to Detroit and was on the way back to Port Huron where I lived. The man I was with at the time was driving. I was very upset and he got mad and he ran through a set of double red lights. The car was hit broadside on the passenger side where I sat and spun into the other lane. The car was hit again in this lane. I remember hitting the dashboard, then the windshield, then the dashboard again. Then I remember nothing but darkness. When I opened my eyes again I was standing before the light. I opened my arms to it and let it course through me. I wanted to go home, I wanted to just step into it and forget everything in life. I heard a noise and I turned to see what it was. There were hundreds of kids in dirty white robes walking towards a hole and disappearing into it. I started to walk towards the place where they fell and a being of light stood there. It said to me, look but do not lean over far. The being held me fast so I could not fall and I peered into the hole. I screamed and turned away. Frightened and confused I said, “Why? What could they have done so horrific to have to endure this?” The being said to me, “These are the suicides.”
What I seen there I will not relate to the reader. I walked with the being and was very shaken. We walked to a bridge where the water was like silver light and the being informed me that not all of them go to this place. I was horrified. I turned and looked towards the light again. I wanted nothing more than to go into it, to stay there and never leave. I begged the being to let me stay. It told me that I had not done on earth what I needed to do and had to return. I felt like I had just been given a death sentence. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces and I begged not to have to go back. I stared at the light and I knew a thousand things all at once. I made the being promise that the next time I could stay, no coming back. It agreed. I walked back towards the light and placed my hand to it. This time they did not hold me back from it. I whispered, “I love you” and a voice said to me “That is the meaning of life, how much you have loved and how many have loved you.” I cried and put both hands back into the light and said, “Soon, soon I will come back home.” The being told me it was time to leave and I walked back with it to the bridge and talked with it about many things of earth.
I felt heartbroken, dismayed and abandoned. I turned to say something more to the being and found myself in hell, laying outside the car on the ground. People stood over tope of me demanding to know if I was ok. I felt like I had been hit by a sledge hammer. The guy I was with was yelling at me to get up, get moving, come on before I got to jail. The next thing I knew I was in the car and he peeled out of there. I asked him how long I had been out and he told me I had stopped breathing for about ten minutes and the guy who was over top of me got me to breath again. I knew I was hurt, but I didn’t know how bad. I asked him to take me to a hospital and he told me I was fine and drove home. I wasn’t fine, nor would I ever be again. This accident left me with nerve damage and a chronic pain patient, but this is a whole other story.
After this last time of seeing the light things were totally different with me. It is had to explain but I will try. I began to realize that the world is just like a stage and we are all players on it. Money is the means to an end, but not the end itself. We all need it to live but it is not the ultimate thing of life. I came back with an unshakeable faith in God. I never had to wonder if he existed, I know he does. I do not care about titles, or about being able to fit in with the crowd. I do not care about having the best of things, having money in the bank or being rich. I care about life. I care about stopping people from hurting themselves if I can. I care about suffering, seeing a child hurt is pure torture. I care about people, the earth and the things which have been provided for us here. I know that we own nothing. It is given to us to use while we are here and then passes to someone else when we are done with it.
Beauty is now what we see with out eyes but what we have in our souls. Beauty is the laughter of a child, the kindness showed by one person to another and the truest beauty is love. Love of oneself, love of each other and the warmth we as humans can show to one another. One kind word, one smile can change the world of a person who is in pain. I do not care about the past, it is over but I care about his moment and how I use it. I care about what words I say to another person for I am responsible for my own actions and whether or not I have injured this person with my words and tried to inflict my will on them. I care about peace and what God thinks of me and what I do.
I know a billion things, some of which I could never explain no matter how hard I try. I yearn for the light, to go back home. I do not fear death, just the pains of death because I have no doubt of what is on the other side. I close my eyes and I see the light and I ache inside for it. I know every day I live leads me one step closer to going home. Death is not an end, far from it, death is actually a beautiful beginning.